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Money brings happiness, according to new research.

The researchers found that 50 percent of those bringing home more than 80,000 dollars are satisfied with life, compared to just 43 percent of those with an income of less than $24,000. About 47 percent of people in the high-income group feel they have achieved their goals, compared to 31 percent of the poorest group, according to data company Mintel.

“It appears that money can buy you happiness, and affluence pays a pivotal role in financial outlook,” Mintel’s senior consumer analyst Alexandra Richmond said. ”The higher income earners are less financially stretched and although they may notice prices rising, it is unlikely to cause them too much concern. A lack of money holds people back from realizing their dreams.”

Sounds pretty obvious to me….when somebody gets paid, they’re happy. Duh.

1. Bankers are salespeople. Like most salespeople, they are paid on commission. That checking account you just opened put $10 to $25 in their pocket. Got approved for a home equity line of credit? $25 to $50.
2. Retail salespeople, like bankers, are evaluated on sales-performance metrics. They have to open a certain amount of accounts and loans every month. So if the guy ordering you a new box of checks seems overly intent on getting you to apply for a loan, its because he needs you to save his job.
3. Bankers Don’t Know About Finance. Again, bankers are in sales, not finance. The average retail banker gets about two to six weeks of training, 95% of that is in sales. Nobody cares about your money more than you, so you are responsible for doing your own financial education.
4. If you don’t have a credit score well over 600, theres no way in hell you’re getting a loan. And if it’s under 700, you’re getting less than you expected.
5. Remember when I said bankers are salespeople? Well, they also get paid on soft sales - things like check cards, direct deposit, and online bill pay. I know, you’re thinking those are all free, but that’s why they’re so important. They’re sticky products - or anything that makes it extremely difficult to switch to another bank once you start using it. I always say to never use a bank, but go ahead and take advantage of it if you do use a bank. Just be aware of the cons. 

Do you want a million dollars? Have you ever thought of just asking?

Comedy writer Craig Rowin did, requesting in a YouTube video that a kind stranger gave him that seven-figure sum just because.

The rich ass will be presenting Rowin with a check for a million dollars in a ceremony Feb. 2 at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater in New York City.

Here is a video about it. Okay, bud, now that you have a million dollars, can I have a grand?